Sports as refuge - a physical space for a mental break

When I hear the word, or hear people talk about refuge or a refuge, I generally think of something or someplace that is set apart. A place that you can go to get away.

When I use that term in coaching I use it in a couple of ways; often in relation to the mind, of creating a place where players feel able to make mistakes, to grow and learn. But today, I want to focus on a slightly different facet–one of not only mindset, but of physicality as well. 

Let’s rewind a decade…or maybe three.

Growing up for my generation was different, not necessarily better or worse, but different. 

While the internet was becoming a thing, most of our communication was either in person, or via the home phone. When I was feeling pressure; from parents, or school, or peers, it was often easier to disconnect from. I could retreat to my house or room, maybe even put on some headphones and listen to music. 

While the pressure wasn’t gone, the volume was turned way down. 

Mobile phones and especially social media have changed that. Kids today are being constantly bombarded with messages from their peers and the algorithm. These pressures continue, even if they aren’t actually online. Pick up the phone or open a laptop, and it will all be waiting for them.

It’s not just social pressure. An increased academic load, participation in more school clubs, and more sports or activities outside of school are all weighing on our kids minds too. 

With all of the competing interests, how can I make sure that our team isn’t just one more thing these kids have to do? How do we make hard work keep from feeling like work or a job? How do we keep it from becoming one more box they have to tick?

I want my kids to grow in their skills, but also to have fun, and to love the game after they’ve left my program. 

This idea of refuge is my answer.

In this context, I’m talking about sport as a refuge. 

Basketball as a refuge.

Football, or soccer for my fellow Yanks, as a refuge.

Tennis, or swimming, or volleyball, or running–all as a refuge. 

Sounds great in theory, but how does this translate to the real world?

On my teams we’re going to learn a lot over our season; offenses and defenses, individual strategies and how we play the game as a team. The coaches and I will teach you techniques or things like footwork and body position to help you advance your skills. Much of this will be on the more physical end of the spectrum, where we’re building muscle memory. However, because we’re trying to develop thinking players who understand why or when to take an action, some of this stuff is going to be brainy and technical.

Our team trainings are where we come together to learn and refine our game.

But, and I sometimes need to remind myself; this is also the place where you can come, as you are, and forget about life’s other stuff. Where we can let go of some of that stress, or push aside that pressure.

This doesn’t mean that I’ll be taking it easy on you in practice, or not teaching new concepts. After all, the hard work is where we get many of the physical and mental benefits from sports. 

But, if I’m doing a good job paying attention as a coach, I’ll have an understanding that maybe today is not your best day. Maybe you have a large project due tomorrow that you’ve been putting off. Or, you’re fighting with your best friend. Maybe there is an uncomfortable situation waiting for you at home. Whatever is going on, the stress is turned up…all the way to eleven.

So, maybe today, you focus on less thinking, and more doing. And reap the benefits of the endorphins and stress release from the physical activity. From sleeping better that night. Or the feeling of belonging you get from being with your team mates. 

I want them to feel that this is a refuge. This is where you come to get away. Where you come for hard work, and community, and fun and stress relief. 

We have high expectations, but perfection is not one of them. 

While this idea of refuge is mostly mental, I think we’re remiss if we don’t acknowledge the physical component of it. I think that we greatly benefit from a physical signifier that we are about to enter this special space. Maybe it’s crossing the boundary lines on to the court or the pitch. Maybe it’s tying our shoes and stepping out the door for a run. The pre-swim shower or jumping into the pool. 

Just like the idea of using the warmup as a ritual to transition our minds, having these physical demarcations can help our brains relax, and be present. 

After all, being present is what it’s really about. We’re not magically having our problems go away, but we are putting them on mute. All the homework, the pressure, the competition for our attention, it will all still be there when we’re done, but hopefully our brain and spirit will be a little fresher and a little less stressed about it.

Now, while I always try to establish this culture as a coach, this isn’t something I will directly talk about with every team; it’s usually the older or more mature kids. I’ll often talk about it one on one, or in very small groups with the students that I think may benefit the most. 

In some ways it feels more meaningful this way. I’m trying to send the message that yes, I have high expectations for you, but I also see you. I see how hard you work. I see that you have other things going on in your life. I know that you are constantly receiving lots of different messages, and some of them are conflicting. You may have different adults, all sending the message that their thing, whether a class, concert, or sport is the most important.

So, can I help you talk some things through? It could be we just need to think through a schedule, or perhaps there is a higher priority right now and it’s better that you skip practice to study, or even take a nap. But maybe, your brain would do better with a break over the next hour. We can figure it out together. 

As an example of this, in the past I've often had mock IB exams take place during my sports season.

Sidebar, If you don’t know, IB exams are incredibly important for many grade twelve kids in the international community, with scores sometimes being the deciding factor in college admission. They are high stakes and incredibly stressful. While the mock exams are not official, they are still important because they may be used as an indicator for the students' predicted score, which the college may want to know. 

The exams take place over a one week period, and I let my kids know that all seniors are excused from practice that week, but they are still welcome. Even if they don’t stay for the whole practice. They are free to use our practice time as an easy break from studying. I will almost always see them, even if it’s only for twenty minutes. They may run a drill with us or do something on their own, and they often leave with a smile, visibly a little lighter than when they came in. 

Sports as a refuge, in action.

By establishing this idea, we can also help kids to use sports and activity as tools for stress management on their own–they don’t necessarily need an organized activity. 

During their day, as their anxieties start to build up or they need to blow off steam, maybe they shoot some free throws. Or go for a quick run. Or do a breathing exercise. Not with the idea of getting better or getting fitter, but to enter that refuge, and forget about everything else for just a bit.